One of the first questions your custom wedding invitation designer will ask you is: “How many invitations are you ordering?” Thus begins the flurry of guest list questions: Who chooses the guests? How many does each side get to choose? Why are we inviting this guest? How many guests are we inviting? How do we organize the guest list? The guest list task can be one of the most debated in the entire wedding process. The following techniques in diplomacy and democracy will help you get your guest list balanced and ultimately, finalized.

Put a Cap on The Guest Count

Your venue may only allow a certain capacity of people to your event, which is your cap. If your venue allows a large group of people, but you want a more mid-sized or intimate wedding, consult with the venue and/or event coordinators about what numbers will achieve that feeling.

Be Democratic – Divide

In the last few decades the couple that is marrying has increasingly invited more of their own friends, as opposed to the parents of the bride solely inviting the majority of the guests. Today, the most popular way of dividing the guest list is more democratically – by percentage. The first level of the list should be family. From the remaining available guest count, the bride and groom together invite 50% of the guests. The parents of the bride and groom invite 25% each. Even if the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding, the even percentages can help you avoid any feelings of inequity. If any one person feels differently about the equal percentages, take time to listen to their feelings and reach a consensus decision with the group.

Deciding Who to Invite

Except for cases where you are having a very, very small wedding, all family is invited to the wedding. This includes all those first and second aunts, uncles, cousins, children in the family, godparents, sponsors, etc. If you choose not to invite distant relatives, you will probably want to spread the word subtlety that you are having an intimate wedding and follow up by sending announcements after the wedding.

Know Yourself and Your Guests

As you add each name to your guest list, take a moment to think about the person and why it is important to you to have them at your wedding. There are lots of fringe reasons why you may think of inviting someone to your wedding – perhaps they invited you to their wedding, they are a boss, or work friend. Decide if these are priorities for you. In large weddings, guests are invited for a wide variety of reasons, where as in a small wedding, the reasons are often limited to only inviting guests that you absolutely want to have at your wedding for the sheer pleasure of having them share in your special day.

Make sure that each person reviews the list and if there are any conflicts about who is invited it is important to deal with them quickly. Ask each person contributing to the list not to verbally invite someone or discuss the wedding with someone until everyone has agreed to the final list. No matter how large or small your list, do not invite someone that you do not want to have at your wedding – for any reason. Even if you think they might not come anyway. This is important because weddings are emotional and you want positive people and feelings in your environment.

Creating The List

Organizing your list is important in prioritizing and maintaining your guest list, both for sending your invitations and in ordering the rest of your paper products. Begin by organizing the list into columns of information. You can include: suffixes, first name, last name, address, number in party invited, who is inviting the guest(s), date invite sent, response card received, number in party attending, and dishes selected. Excel is an excellent program, as it can add up numbers for you to determine how many place and table cards you need, programs, menus, etc. Start early to ensure that you have time to double-check addresses and spelling and collect the information on guests. Make sure to have each person who is invited review the list and approve before sending it to the calligrapher.